Virginia

so yeah ima be moving to virginia soon maybe :/ i dunno virgina seems really boring and barren and i wont be able to see my dad every weekend anymore :( only christmas and summers. i was gonna move in with him but since hes not my biological father i really have no choice but to stay with my mom and stepdad oh lord my step dad grr...anyways i guess it might be kinda cool to go to a new place and meet new people but i will reallyyy miss my dad and frank and ivy and cooper and collin and josh and travis and cecily and all my good friends but im still kinda excited....and sad mostly sad

stupid

As soon as i get in the car the first words out are something bad about what i have done what i need to do or anything. then i say back "ok" with a little explanation of what happened and do what u ask. but then my little explanation to u is me being defensive but i wasn't trying to be, its me making excuses: i was just trying to hold a conversation. But now im i am defending myself because everything i say is taken the wrong way by you and i just want you to understand. You don't want to hear it. then you go on and on for a good 30 mins about how i need to think about what i say before i say how i don't have to explain everything how i need to stop thinking im always right and accept when im wrong no explainations needed i understand this its the basis of parenting but i really never said anything to indicate i was right you were wrong and im not going to do what u say but thats how you took it. You just keep going on and on and then when we get home u complain that if i had just said yes we wouldn't be talking about this for so long and i wouldnt be crying but you are the one making it a big deal. once inside i get a drink cuz im thirsty i looked for my water bottle in my backpack but i cant find it so i just grab a juice box really quick. then you have to say you really should drink water instead of juice all the time and i say i was looking for my water but i couldn't find it. then of course u start lecturing again because i was being defensive about my water and i need to not interrupt because you hadnt finished yet and "this shows u i don't give a shit what you have to say" that was uncalled for u didnt have to say that you know very well that i love tslking to you and i have alot of respect for family members and you know thats not how i think at all that took me over the edge i started crying and breathing heavily and all you have to say to me is "stop being so dramatic and making such a big deal about this stop feeling sorry for yourself and im going for a walk to calm down." then you left. i do NOT feel sorry for myself ever in any way i did not make a big deal out of this you did i am not the only person at fault

rules.

i understand parents need rules, but ones that actually hurt you are really stupid. i can't sleep cuz of insomnia yet i have to go to bed at 10:30 and just sit there cant do anything else. i have emotional problems a bit suicidal and all that when i feel really bad i cant even talk to anyone because guess what no phone or computer after 10 at all they even check my bill to see what times and who i talk to. i break down alot and all my friends say i could call them if i was ever feeling down but im not even allowed to talk to my best friends. im not allowed to hang out with just one person even if its at my house with my parents, if it is more then one person there has to be at least one girl i guess thats reasonable but it sucks cuz all my friends are guys and they will bring their girlfriends so we can hang out but then i just become the third wheel. oh and im not allowed to date either sheltered much? but i am allowed to get a tattoo and my nose pierced and dress how i like and dye my hair and mom even said when im ready for sex she will go take me to the docter and help me be prepared but no i cant date or hang out with guy friends. i also cant start a band im too young for that apparently, i cant even have a video camera or a youtube account to publicize my songs i could be famous right now :p i know they love me but ever since my step dad came it ruined the balance between uptight mom and relaxed dad now its just uptight and uptigher ~sigh but i cant really do much until im 18 only 3 more years till life begins :D

i miss you

i miss our fun times...even the bad times... every minute we spent together all the things we said. i miss how in sync we were how much we depended on each other how you were always there. i miss the talks we had funny, serious, whatever it was you always knew what to say. I really never knew how much i would miss u until you left and now i feel empty, drained. everything i ever knew and loved is gone. now i breakdown, i worry about you, all i can do is hope your ok, hell i even pray sometimes juss for loss of anything else i can do to help you. i wish you were here, i love you forever and always, "best friends no matter what?" "are you joking i cant even function without your voice" :3 i love u kyle <3

look

we talk.

you lie.

but the look in your eyes

says it all

and i know

you dont want to hurt me but

it hurts more

when you hide your feelings.

we talk.

you smile.

i laugh.

but the look in your eyes

says it all

and suddenly

we fall

we talk.

you yell.

shoved against a wall

you scream

i cry

you tell me this is why

you dont want to talk

you dont want to hurt me

you yell

im sorry

you breakdown and cry

i yell

i love you

but i get no reply

your afraid

of yourself

the look in your eyes

says it all

ashes

Seeing into your lies unspoken. Hands shaking, Hearts broken. Look into eyes wide open seeing needing a deeper meaning arms bleeding cut right open scars showing all my broken hiding from everything, from everyone. or even from nothing at all. hiding for the sake of hiding so u cant see me when i fall. standing on the edge of the world, my world, the one in my mind, where everything is beautiful and nothings lost or left behind. but truth is ive already fallen because my worlds turned upside down all thats left is a broken girl with ashes all around

in pieces

You broke the porcelain

kicked it right down

to

the

floor

falling

crashing

you witness it all

but you don't care

anymore

You actually laugh

as you see it break into

a miilion pieces

into a million tears

into a million years

years

wasted trying to bring

the porcelain down

well, you succeded

happy now?

i guess you never

thought about the consequence

just how it made you feel superior

all the better

better then anyone else

better because

you say so

or at least

you think so

because in reality

that fragile

insignificant

piece of porcelain

is worth more then you

even when

broken

into

a million

pieces..

what i believe in

i don't believe in the way they treat me

i don't believe thats right

i cant believe in promises

but they taught me how too see the lies

i cant believe they think their perfect

and im just some screwed up kid

but i believe in you and me

and i hope one day you'll see

that the two of us were meant to be

Hearts

Hearts are for beating

hearts are for breaking

hearts are forever

hearts are for love

hearts are for us.

<3

Packing

i hate packing it takes forever and you never know what you really need and you always forget something important anyways but whatever..... guess ill go back to packing now :D